Yeah so

I think I like tumblr better. xD I'm getting used to doing longer posts there (originally it didn't feel like the right medium, sort of, for it) and it feels more... connected? To me, blogs feel isolated. Tumblr makes it easy to comment on other people's posts, and the whole dashboard thing allows for an easy stream of content. It's nice. So... I might just stick to that. Yep. You can find me at ravenandfox.tumblr.com and I'll be ranting about pretty much anything SasuNaru, as well as some things that aren't. Yay!

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Discontinued: "Problem"

A lot of the time I have no ideas other than "I want to write a fanfiction." Usually this ends in me writing a few pages of a story that's going nowhere and then I give it up. Well, that's what the blog is for! Here's a bit of random blather that I didn't really like.

“What, do you have a problem with me playing water polo?” 

Sasuke crosses his arms and leans back in his desk chair. “I never said that.” 

“But you were thinking it.” Naruto rolls onto his side, jamming his hand under his roommate’s pillow, and looks at Sasuke critically. Sasuke looks back at him, a crease in his brow. “What’s wrong with me playing water polo?” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you playing water polo,” says Sasuke firmly. “It’s your own choice whether or not you want to join a sports team.” 

“Your words say one thing, but your tone says another. If you don’t want me to be on the team, tell me. I’ll quit.” 

“Don’t quit. I want to make fun of you when you break your nose.” 

Naruto can’t help chuckling at this. That sounds more like the Sasuke he knows. “Hey, can we watch a movie before I head off to practice? Kiba lent me a couple.” 

“Your laptop’s in repair, isn’t it?” Sasuke asks. 

“Well, yeah. That’s why I asked, ‘cause we’d have to use yours.” 

“I’ve got to work on my essay.” Sasuke swivels around in his chair to face his desk. 

“What? But it’s not due for a month yet! Hand-in is at the end of term for you too, right?” 

“Yes, but there’s lots of research to be done. I’ve been slacking.” 

“Slacking? You’ve already decided what your topic is! Oh, come on. A couple of hours won’t kill you. You can do your research after I leave. You know you wanna cuddle up under a blanket with me to watch a hot romance,” he adds with a grin. 

“In your dreams, moron,” Sasuke says. 

“Kiba said there’s a couple of really steamy sex scenes in it too,” Naruto goes on. “You know you wanna watch that with me.” 

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitches. “Keep talking if you want me to kick you out of my room – or rape you.” 

Naruto laughs. “Oh yeah. You haven’t gotten any in a while, have you? When did you bring that German chick around?” 

“That was the first week,” Sasuke replies tersely. “And no, I have not ‘gotten any’ since then.” 

“Damn, so I really am setting myself up for a raping,” Naruto laughs. “I guess I’m just that hot, aren’t I? I can even make straight guys go gay.” 

“A straight guy shouldn’t want to attract other guys,” says Sasuke. “Get your head out of your ass.” 

Naruto cracks up at this, at which point Sasuke realizes the double-entendre he’s just made. He rolls his eyes and turns around. “Fine, we’ll watch your porn movie then.” 

“It’s not porn,” says Naruto, springing out of the bed. “It’s just a movie with sex. Happens all the time; it’s not graphic or anything. I’ll go grab it from my room.” 

When Naruto returns with the DVD case in hand, Sasuke’s sitting on the bed with his back against the wall, laptop on his legs. He accepts the movie from Naruto and slides it into his machine, and Naruto turns off the light before taking his seat next to Sasuke. 

“So, Sasuke,” Naruto says as Sasuke navigates the menus. “Had your eye on any girls lately?” 

“No, they’d probably scream and run away if I gouged my eyeball out and stuck it on them.” 

“Don’t be a dick.” 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Figured as much,” Naruto shrugs.“Don’t ask questions you just want to answer yourself. What about you then?” 

“There’s a really hot chick in second year,” says Naruto. “She’s actually a year younger than us, just got into college right after high school. Jet-black hair, pretty flat… not much ass to speak of… but damn, she looks at you with those eyes and you just—” 

“Hmm.” Sasuke glances over at Naruto, who’s practically drooling at his fantasies. “Do you want subtitles?” 

“Sure.” Naruto grabs the blanket and pulls it over himself. “Want some blanket?” 

Sasuke looks at him with an Are you serious? expression on his face, but lifts the laptop anyway, and Naruto tosses the blanket over Sasuke’s legs as well. Sasuke sets the laptop back down over the blanket. 

[I think at this point I stopped knowing what I was doing, so I skipped to the juicier bits.]

About half an hour in, Naruto leans against Sasuke’s shoulder. Sasuke glances over. 

“Move your head, idiot,” Sasuke mutters. Naruto shifts, but Sasuke’s still uncomfortable, so he reaches over and lifts Naruto’s head himself, adjusting his arm before allowing Naruto to resume his original position. 

Naruto lets out a small breath as Sasuke’s fingers entangle themselves in his hair. “Don’t pull my hair, bastard.” 

“I’m not. Do you want to lean on me or not?” 

Naruto doesn’t complain after that. For a few minutes, anyway. Naruto shifts once, then again. “Your shoulder’s too bony. I can’t find a good position.” 

“Then don’t lean on me,” Sasuke says, flicking Naruto on the forehead. 

“Ow!” Naruto rubs the spot, then lies down sideways and puts his head in Sasuke’s lap. “That’s better. What just happened in the movie?” 

Sasuke sighs and backs up the movie a little. He shifts to accommodate Naruto’s new position, finding nowhere to put his hands. He eventually plops one onto the side of Naruto’s head. Naruto grunts his disapproval, but doesn’t protest otherwise, and they continue the movie like that.When the sex scene starts, Sasuke gets fidgety. Naruto snickers at him. 

“You’re such a prude,” says Naruto as a low, husky moan escapes the laptop. “They’re not even showing anything.” 

“If you want to keep watching the movie, then shut up,” Sasuke replies. 

Naruto shuts up, but Sasuke keeps fidgeting. He twirls locks of blonde hair between his restless fingers; he tries to stop his legs from jiggling because both Naruto and the laptop are on top of them. Naruto turns his head to look at Sasuke, who jerks his hands back. 

“What are you doing to my hair?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Nothing,” says Sasuke quickly. 

“Whoa, no need to get all defensive,” says Naruto. “I was just wondering. ‘Cause, well, it felt kinda nice.” 

“Did it?” 

“Yeah.” Naruto turns back to the movie. 

Sasuke hesitates, then reaches out to Naruto’s hair once more. Naruto doesn’t protest, so Sasuke combs his fingers through the fine locks, finding relief in this gesture as the scene comes to a peak. Naruto hums appreciatively, and Sasuke flinches. 

“Chill,” says Naruto. “You’re too jumpy. This isn’t a horror flick.” He chuckles at the idea. 

“Sorry.” Sasuke’s voice comes out almost strained. 

His tone takes Naruto’s attention. Naruto turns his head again to look up at Sasuke. “You’re really tense,” says Naruto. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine,” says Sasuke. “Just fine.” 

“You sure? I can give you a massage,” he offers. 

Sasuke considers. Naruto’s always been amazing at massages, but lately Sasuke’s not sure they’d help much. Still, he may as well. “Alright,” he says. 

So Naruto gets up, and Sasuke shuffles forward to let Naruto sit behind him. Naruto sits with his legs spread out on either side of Sasuke and watches the movie over Sasuke’s shoulder as he starts to massage Sasuke, kneading his shoulders, moving down to his arms. Sasuke’s body is in a state of indecision – he wants to relax into the massage, into the sensation of Naruto’s confident touch, but at the same time he isn’t entirely sure he can or should. But as Naruto’s hands continue to his back he finds himself melting; as Naruto pulls Sasuke back against him and gently rubs circles into his temples, Sasuke heaves a deep sigh, feeling all the tension flowing out of him. By this time the second sex scene’s started, and Sasuke’s nearly dozed off when the sound of the characters moaning again jolts his body with sensation, waking him abruptly. 

Naruto notices this. “Sasuke? You nearly fell asleep there,” he says. “You just seemed so comfortable, I didn’t want to move. And anyway, I don’t think I could. I’m kinda trapped.” 

“Sorry,” says Sasuke, peering at the movie screen. The man and the woman on the screen are pressed against each other in bed, heads tossing in passion, everything skilfully concealed. Sasuke can’t help but notice the breathiness in the woman’s moans, the strength of the man’s shoulders… The man’s lips ghosting against the woman’s skin… Strong hands on a lithe waist… 

“You look a little warm,” Naruto comments. “Maybe the blanket’s too much?” 

“It’s fine,” Sasuke replies, suddenly all too aware of Naruto’s arms around his waist. When did they get there? On second thought, he does feel a bit hot. Naruto’s chest is comfortably warm against his back, the insides of his thighs pressed to Sasuke’s hips. The laptop is getting rather hot too, the heat seeping through the blanket onto his legs. And he can feel heat within his body as well, gathering in his core, gathering below… 

“Sasuke?” 

Sasuke starts, pulling away to see Naruto looking at him in concern. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Naruto asks. “You’re kinda… out of it.” 

“I’m – I’m trying to watch the movie,” Sasuke says. “Come on, I’m fine. Just shut up and let’s watch.” 

The pitch of the voices in the movie is increasing, and Sasuke swallows a lump in his throat. Naruto’s hand is settled on Sasuke’s stomach, incredibly warm – if it were to go just a little lower, it would… 

The sound of the movie abruptly stops. Sasuke blinks to see Naruto’s fingers at the laptop track pad, the movie paused. 

“What’d you stop the movie for?” Sasuke asks, turning around. 

“It’s just – you seemed kinda uncomfortable about it,” says Naruto. “I don’t wanna make you watch it if you don’t want to.” 

“I want to,” says Sasuke defiantly, then glanced away, suppressing a blush. 

Naruto watches him for a moment, then his eyes widen. He can’t help a sly grin. “Sasuke… are you getting turned on by the sex scenes?” 

“What? No, idiot,” Sasuke scoffs. 

“That’s right, you’ve never watched porn before,” Naruto goes on. “No wonder something this tame would excite you. I’ll get out so you can take care of it.” 

Naruto smirks and makes to move off the bed, but he’s stopped by Sasuke grabbing his wrist tightly. He turns around to see Sasuke staring at him with an odd look in his eyes. 

“Uh… Sasuke?” 

“I’m…” Sasuke can’t hold Naruto’s gaze any longer. He looks down, flushing deeply. He has no clue what he’s feeling right now, or why his fingers are still locked around Naruto’s wrist. 

“Sasuke,” says Naruto, his voice quiet and uncertain, “I think I should head back to my room. I’ve got practice soon.” 

“Don’t go to practice,” Sasuke says, before he can stop himself. He kicks himself mentally. 

“What… why? I thought you said you didn’t have anything against me playing water polo.” 

“I don’t,” he maintains. 

“Then… can I go get ready—” 

“Stay,” says Sasuke, then clamps his mouth shut, but the damage has been done – and he still hasn’t let go of Naruto’s wrist. 

“Wait a second…” There’s a tone of dawning understanding in Naruto’s voice. “Sasuke, are you—” 

Sasuke grabs Naruto’s head in both hands and pulls him into a kiss. Naruto, stunned, is frozen there until Sasuke breaks the kiss, his entire face burning red.

This must have been written at least a year ago, maybe two. Pointless, unoriginal, too heavily based on a favourite fic of mine by another author. Best to blog it and call it a day.

There are a ton of things in my "Discontinued" folder, so expect to see lots more here!

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So...

I was on tumblr today, exploring the SasuNaru tag, when I came across this post. My reactions: "IS THAT TWO FACE That would be really coincidental maybe it's another fic with 111 chapters but that's also really very coincidental IT MUST BE TWO FACE how do I check?" So my friend sent the blogger a message (because I was silly and didn't consider asking anonymously) and they confirmed it.

I don't know how to describe the feeling I got, seeing that. It's a complicated situation for me because my tumblr username is the same one I use all over the internet, the one I associate with my artwork and my real self. It's just strange, being on the internet as my usual self and seeing my other self recognized by someone. It gets almost frighteningly close - there is a reason I separate my "identities." Still, this just made my day. So if any of you readers came from that post, know that despite how old Two Face is (especially the beginning... argh), I still love you and really appreciate that you've stopped by!

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From Tumblr

Out of context though these must certainly be, they're still adorable, and these guys remind me so hard of Takeshi and Takeshi.

qandee777:

That is my contribution to the world at this moment. Happy New Year, everyone.

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The Epic Epilogue

...Epically fail, that is.

I exaggerate. I guess it's not THAT bad. I did write it at least a year ago. But I'll keep my complaints to myself and let you guys judge it for yourselves, since I've gotten some comments about my negativity. More notes at the end. For now, enjoy the (first unofficial) epilogue of Two Face.

“Hey, what’s up, Tokyo?!”

The cheers were deafening. All down the stadium the only thing that could be seen was cheering, jumping, waving fans, bright camera flashes and faces wild with excitement.

Naruto couldn’t help but grin. This was what he lived for.

“Alright, alright,” he called, laughing. The microphone and earpiece hooked around his ear picked up his voice, carrying it to the very back of the stadium. If there was one thing he hated, it was hearing his laugh played over again. But it didn’t matter, really. “Let me tell you, it is un-be-lievable, being here tonight. If you asked me five years ago where I would be in five years’ time, I definitely wouldn’t have said, ‘Standing in front of thousands of people, doing what I love best.’ ” 

“Yeah you would,” came a voice from behind him. The audience laughed. Naruto turned to raise an eyebrow at Takeshi, who just grinned back. “You would have added that those thousands adore you, too.” 

“Hey, you can’t do the foxtrot alone,” Naruto said with a shrug. He waved his team forward. Takeshi stepped up beside him; Kristopher and Matthew joined them as well. “We’re Foxtrot, folks, and the fun’s only just begun!” 

They got into their places for the next dance. Even now Naruto hadn’t quite mastered singing and dancing at the same time; he tended to run out of breath and Takeshi always criticized his tuning, but Naruto was pretty sure he was getting better at it. Performances always left something to be desired – everything did; that was the thing about being an artist – but Naruto knew most mistakes he picked up on were things the audience never noticed, and anyway, where was the fun in being perfect all the time? 

It seemed like no time at all before they reached the end of the show. Through happy songs and sad ones, duets and solos, and jokes all around, Naruto had to say it was probably his favourite concerts of the ones they’d done. Granted, that may have had something to do with the fact that it was their first one ever in Japan. Before their final and most popular song, Foxtrot gathered at the front of the stage again for a last word. 

“So, Japan,” said Naruto. “For me and Takeshi, it all started here. Not here in Tokyo, obviously – we’re just small-town kids from Konoha. Anyone ever been?” 

A handful of cheers rang out. Naruto grinned. 

“I’ve missed being home,” said Naruto. “I mean, we haven’t gone back to Konoha yet, but it’s such an experience being in a different country where they speak a different language. And it’s weird being involved in their news and politics and events and hearing about our own here only distantly. The disastrous earthquake two years ago, the abolishing of the death sentence – the legalization of gay marriage!” 

He grinned as cheers went up in the crowd. If there was one thing about Foxtrot fans, it was that they were almost guaranteed not to be homophobic. 

“It’s odd for the two of us,” he went on, “being an English group but being Japanese ourselves, then coming here to perform in English. I have to say my English has gotten loads better since I went to study abroad, but I still can’t quite get the accent,” he said with a sheepish grin. “What do you think? Do I sound British, or Japanese?” 

“Both,” said Kris, “but not as bad as Takeshi.” 

Takeshi chased Kris around the stage. Naruto and Matt laughed. Kris hid behind Naruto, who protected him from Takeshi, who just dove on him anyway. There was a lot of high-pitched screaming and wolf whistles as Naruto and Takeshi wrestled for a while, making a show of it. Their manager had long ago picked up on the benefits of their homosexuality and physical comfort around each other. They constantly played the dating guessing game. Most fangirls insisted they were together, but some said they were just friends with benefits. Hardly anyone doubted they weren’t involved at least a little. 

Takeshi finally disentangled himself from Naruto, though his arm was still hooked through with Naruto’s. Naruto thought this was a little odd, as he was usually the one to pull away first. Their manager figured it’d spice things up if Naruto, the leader of their group, was the uke (Takeshi and Naruto had had to explain this phenomenon to their British friends), and Naruto always acted the more reluctant one. He glanced at Takeshi, who looked back at him meaningfully but said nothing. You couldn’t have a private conversation on stage with microphones next to your mouths. 

Instead, Takeshi turned to the audience. “We’ve got an announcement to make,” he called, grinning. More squeals ensued. Naruto didn’t know what was going on – this wasn’t something they’d rehearsed or even talked about. An announcement? It wasn’t anyone’s birthday, was it? Try as he might, Naruto couldn’t think of anything that could come up. But Takeshi looked like he knew what he was doing, and Matt and Kris seemed to know too, so Naruto did his best to act normal. 

“I know you fans have been watching us for a long time,” Takeshi went on. “All the teasing, the touching, the play fights… I’m sure some of the more perceptive ladies out there have rooted out the fact that we sleep in the same bed. Now if that’s not evidence, what is, right?” 

The screams were louder than ever. 

“Well, it’s not evidence,” said Takeshi. “What if we’re perfectly comfortable with that but aren’t actually together? I know, it sounds implausible, but listen. The announcement is… that Naruto and I aren’t together.” 

The reaction from the audience seemed mixed, as though everyone was split between disappointment that they weren’t a pair and relief that they were still available. 

“But!” Takeshi said, before things could escalate too much. “This doesn’t mean we’re straight, or even single. That’s right – we’ve both got wonderful, loving boys out there who support us silently.” As Takeshi continued to speak, the crowd gradually went quiet. “It’s hard – harder than you can imagine, being far from your loved ones. I bet a lot of you know how that feels. We’ve been so busy with our studies as well as with Foxtrot that we’ve barely had a minute to ourselves, let alone to meet with our boys back home. But they’re always there, sending us emails and letters, or right there by the phone when we’re homesick and lovesick and have to call when it’s four in the morning here. Naruto and I have had our share of tough times, and though we have each other to lean on, there’s nothing quite like the loves of our lives. That’s why, tonight, this last song is dedicated to them. That’s why, tonight, we want to thank them from the bottom of our hearts and welcome them on stage. Ladies and gentlemen, Sasuke and Shiroi!” 

The giant screens behind Foxtrot were showing one grinning face and one dumbfounded one. Naruto, too, was stunned; apparently neither he nor Sasuke had heard about this, but Shiroi was all smiles as he herded an astounded Sasuke up onto the stage. Takeshi nearly bowled Shiroi over with a huge hug, but Naruto and Sasuke just stared at each other, lost for words. For a moment Naruto utterly forgot that he was on a stage flooded with lights, in front of thousands of people, with his face blown up on the screens behind him. For a moment, all the noise of the roaring crowd, all the rehearsing and routine he was so used to, completely left his mind. In that moment there was only Sasuke. 

“Oh, get on with it,” Takeshi snapped, and shoved Naruto forward. 

Naruto stumbled into Sasuke’s arms, and in that instant everything came back to him. He hugged Sasuke harder than he’d ever hugged anyone in his life. He buried his face in Sasuke’s neck, heedless of the sweat and make-up, and breathed in his scent. His heart swelled at the memories – although he was older, taller, and undoubtedly better looking than ever now, Sasuke smelled just the same as always, and it brought tears to Naruto’s eyes. He could feel Sasuke’s arms around him as well, that grip he knew so well, a heart beating fast next to his own thudding one. Sasuke’s lips brushed against Naruto’s unwired ear to whisper, “I missed you, Naru.” 

Naruto couldn’t help it. He split into a giddy grin, pulling away to look at Sasuke’s face. “No way,” he said. “No way! You’ve been here, all this time? And no one told me?” 

He whipped around to look at Takeshi, Shiroi, Kris, Matt. They all had smiles on their faces that said they’d been keeping a huge secret from him. 

And now his world was coming back to him, and Naruto could hear whispers in the crowd, see fingers pointing at Sasuke. He looked from Sasuke, who shrugged, to Takeshi, who was still smiling. 

“Oh, that’s right,” said Takeshi, putting an arm around Sasuke’s shoulders. “Some of you may know this handsome face from the author’s biography on that new bestseller here in Japan. What was it? The Crow and the Dog?” he joked. 

“The Raven and the Fox, you moron!” Naruto exclaimed, shoving Takeshi away. Takeshi just laughed. 

“So, Sasuke,” said Takeshi with a grin. “What’s it like, being famous?” 

Sasuke laughed. He slipped an arm around Naruto’s waist; Naruto couldn’t help melting into him. Sasuke leaned close to Naruto’s microphone. “You tell me.” 

“Us? Famous? Never! These people are obviously here because they’re lost! All of them! But we’re digressing. Have a seat,” he said, gesturing Sasuke and Shiroi to chairs in the middle of the stage, “and enjoy the show!” 

Foxtrot took their places for the final song. Naruto was impressed with how well everyone had kept this whole thing undercover. They’d even designed and constructed a statue and told him they’d be putting it in the middle of the stage for this last song, making it a symbol for “the one” the song’s lyrics spoke about. Now, as they danced around Sasuke and Shiroi, Naruto felt a passion like never before. If he’d thought he’d loved dancing before now, he didn’t know what to call this. Never had he wanted more to put everything he had into a dance, to sing his heart out, to give everything to his one and only. Every time he turned towards Sasuke, all he saw was that brilliant beautiful smile, and nothing pushed him to do his best more than that. 

He could barely hear for the roaring of the crowd when they finished. Once they dropped their final pose, Takeshi hauled Sasuke and Shiroi back onto their feet. Naruto glanced over in time to see Shiroi nudge Sasuke with his elbow. Sasuke looked at Shiroi with uncertainty, but Shiroi nodded emphatically and pushed Sasuke towards Naruto. Takeshi looked on in curiosity – Kris and Matthew seemed not to have expected this either – but Shiroi held his boyfriend back, watching with a smile on his face. 

Sasuke went up to Naruto and looked him in the eyes. They’d grown so much, the both of them, in these four years. Not just physically, but on the inside too – they were smarter, more mature, more skilled. Sasuke had a bestselling title under his belt and Naruto was an international star. They’d been apart for so long, but when they looked into each other’s eyes they knew that the one thing that never, ever changed was their love for each other.

Naruto was surprised by the sheer nervousness in Sasuke’s expression. It had been years, but he was certain they still knew each other better than anything. So why was Sasuke trembling so much?

Sasuke took Naruto’s hand. His was shaking and clammy. No longer able to hold Naruto’s gaze, he turned his eyes to the floor.

He reached into his pocket and got down on one knee.

“Uzumaki… Naruto,” said Sasuke, every tremor in his voice audible in the sudden absolute silence. He pulled a box out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Will you marry me?”

Naruto stared. The ring was a thin silver band of metal, the subtle gem the perfect blue to match his eyes.

Sasuke finally gathered the courage to look up into Naruto’s face. His eyes met beautiful blue ones filled with tears.

“You have to ask?” Naruto whispered. He jerked Sasuke up onto his feet and pulled him into a kiss, and the audience exploded into cheers.

Yeah, I'm not actually that fond of this. You know what they say... own worst critic and all. I actually think I have a little more optimism - perhaps egotism - about my work, but then I know at least three people who get very, very down about their creativity and it's usually up to me to try to support them. So my own complaints seem small in comparison.

This epilogue is... a bit cliché, I guess. And cheesy. Another thing that bothers me is that it's short and to the point - there's so much more I wanted to write about. So I started writing a different, longer version summarizing their university years, but it got pretty lengthy and that just wasn't doing it considering it was supposed to be a summary. So I ditched that one too. It'd work better as a full-out sequel. That said, I know what happens to them after Two Face. Not in minute detail, of course, considering I haven't actually written the thing, but I definitely know it from point to point. Of course their troubles are far from over - what kind of a story would it be otherwise? - but for those who want to know, Itachi does get captured, and as you can see Sasuke and Naruto are both pretty successful. I mean, Foxtrot isn't exactly mainstream, but they have their followers. I never meant for them to be super famous or anything. Just... comfortably well-known, I guess.

I hope you enjoyed that little bit of writing. If I had the motivation, I'd write it again better, but... meh. It's there and I got it out of my system, and I guess that's all I really needed.

R+F

P.S. I bet Sasuke and Naruto adopt two insufferable brats and one lonery kid and Takeshi is the coolest uncle ever.

Fanfic Flamingo

Not an incredibly involved update, but I thought I'd direct your attention to a wonderful tumblr called Fuck Yeah Fanfic Flamingo. If you haven't already heard of it, it's basically a macro meme detailing many of the truths of fanfiction.

This one, uploaded today, hits particularly close to home. I am incredibly thankful for my readers, whether they're just passing by or faithfully watching my little corner of the internet for updates. Once upon a time I did reply to every single review I received, but now I only reply if I can say anything more than "thanks." It's not that I appreciate those reviews any less, nor even that I don't have time to reply. Sometimes people preface their comments with "I bet you won't even read this." I get an email notification for all my reviews, and I certainly do read it! It's not about time... it's about effort. No, it doesn't take that much to just say thank you, but it feels insincere. There are only so many ways I can phrase it, so many smileys I can add before I feel like I'm repeating myself.

So this is an apology, I suppose, and a general thank you to everyone who I don't reply to individually. Just know that I'm always open to having a conversation, be it through comment, review/reply thread, or PM. If you have a bit of fandom that you'd like to discuss, you can certainly send a message my way!

And yes, I know I've been rather inactive on the fanfiction front lately. I've been quite busy with university work and life in general, and I think it's sapping my ability and motivation to write, be it fanfiction or original. I have to accept that it's less important than drawing and visual art, since that's where my career is headed. But I will do my best to keep at it! Writing is a pastime I would not lose for the world.

'Til next time,

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The Cutting Room Floor: TF Ch. 103

I’ll say it straight – a lot of writing didn’t make it into the final cut of Two Face.

Sometimes in some of my stories, every scene I write makes it to the end product. But more often I’ll have written a scene that takes the story to a place I don’t want it to go. Or maybe the scene just isn’t working out and I decide to start from scratch on that part. Or maybe it’s absolutely brilliant but utterly not the mood I’m searching for.

No matter what the reason, the majority of my fanfictions actually take up a few documents in my computer: one for each chapter of the story (for FF.net uploading); one with the entire story for my own convenience (if it’s a one-shot then this is the same as the first); and one or two or three for brainstorming, an outline, and cut scenes. I’m an archive packrat: I hate throwing things out if I can help it. So if a scene, paragraph, or even sentence is one I don’t want to let go of, I throw it into a separate document, in order of the chronology of the story and/or the time of writing (it gets a bit confusing when these contradict each other).

It’s a shame to leave them all lying on the cutting room floor (or in the cutting room document, or whatever analogy you wish to use), so I’ll be sharing a good deal of them here. With each will come author’s notes, because I don’t believe in creation without process. Know that these blog posts will contain spoilers. The chapter number will be in the post’s title, and I’ll try to give a little context at the beginning of the author’s note that doesn’t spoil things, but it’s up to you to decide whether or not to read on. This particular post does contain a spoiler in the first sentence of the author’s note, so proceed with caution. 

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This particular scene comes from the break-up section of Two Face. This particular scene begins in the hotel in which they stay on their school trip overseas to Vancouver…

I tell Takeshi and Shiroi to go ahead down to dinner first, feeling they should be allowed to have at least a little privacy when they can get it. Sasuke’s probably going to confront me the minute they’re gone, but I can handle him, if I can get a grasp on my hormones. I reassure them with a look, then they head downstairs and I get up to shower. To my surprise and relief, Sasuke continues to ignore me. He’s not even looking at me, gazing absently out the window instead. I shrug to myself and strip, then head for the bathroom.

The warm water soothes me, calming my nerves, but not doing much to quell my raging hormones. I watch in mild interest as my cock hardens untouched, because images of Sasuke are flashing through my head and it’s been months since I got any. Well, I guess masturbation will have to suffice for now. For now… for as long as this keeps going. Am I deluding myself? Because I know that deep down I really want to go back to the way we were. Me and Sasuke. Together. But is that likely? Is it even possible? Would it happen if I begged him? Or will he snap first and come crawling to me? Those last two questions are the conflict that keeps me solidly grounded. He’s the one who made the mistake. He’s the one who should pay for it, who should make amends. I’m not going to pretend that I was at fault, that I’m willing to beg and forgive him just to have him back. If there’s one thing I’ve always, always hated about Sasuke, it’s that he’s too damn self-important. This is good for him, I tell myself. He needs to learn how to say sorry. 

A strange sliding sound cuts through the sound of the running water. I open my eyes, not realizing I closed them, and nearly jump out of my skin. 

“What the fuck?” I shout, backing into the wall, my voice echoing unintelligibly around the bathroom in a confusing din. Sasuke, naked and quickly becoming soaked, watches me through deadpan eyes, the shower door wide open behind him. “The fuck are you doing, you asshole? I’m taking a fucking shower! You can’t just—mmph!” 

I punch him as hard as I can in the gut, and he breaks the kiss, gasping and clutching at his stomach. Refusing to be forced into the defensive, I advance and push him against the cold tile wall, sparing no power. I can see the effect of my strength in a pained twitch of his face. I spit as if that’ll get rid of the taste of his lips on mine, even though I know it won’t and, really, I don’t want it to anyway. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking,” I say, “but I’m taking a shower and this is my fucking privacy. I don’t give a shit what your reasons are, saving water or just ‘cause you’re horny or whatever you’re thinking. You can go screw some other guy, the whole fucking world can burn up and go to hell, I don’t care. Get the fuck out and wait your turn.” 

His expression is absolutely calm, but there’s a spark in his eyes that tells me his mind’s on the move. Then he smirks, and white spots explode in my vision as a hand squeezes my hard-on. 

“You’re not very convincing when you’re hard… Naruto.” 

My core shudders unbidden as he whispers my name. I can hear his low murmur, feel his breath on my ear, and I realize I’ve slumped against the wall, my hand against his chest weakening. He massages my aching shaft and I momentarily forget how to breathe. Immobile, gasping, I stare wide-eyed at where his hand is grasping me, where his own swollen erection stands waiting. Fuck. I can’t do anything. It’s only been two months and already his touch reduces me to this. 

“We’ve been apart too long. You’ve been feeling it too, haven’t you? Obviously you have, considering this.” He pulls harshly, forcing a restrained grunt from my throat. Then his tone turns acidic as he hisses, “Or is that because you’ve been dreaming of Takeshi instead?” 

The anger in his voice fills me with a wicked desire for vindication. “What if I have?” I dig my nails into his wrist and he lets go of my member, but then with a surge of strength he pushes me off him and against an adjacent wall, holding my shoulders to keep me still, then grinds roughly against me, growling as his rock-hard erection presses into mine. Once again whiteness invades my sight as the borderline-painful pleasure rockets through my system, pouring unbridled need and terrible guilt into my veins. I whack the back of my head against the wall, but I can hardly feel the pain because a tongue is pressing against my pulse. 

“If Takeshi so much as touches you he’ll wish he was never born,” Sasuke snarls, and a shiver runs down my back at the pure venom in his words – not because it’s Sasuke or how he said it, but because I’m genuinely afraid for Takeshi. I redouble my efforts to escape, pushing him away, and manage to force him out of the shower. But his grip on me is too strong; he pulls me out with him, then slams me against the wall, our bodies still slick with hot water, the towel on the floor the only thing stopping us from slipping. As he grasps my waist in a vice-like grip and resumes grinding against me, I drag my nails down his back, knowing I’m gouging deep cuts into his beautiful pale skin by the way he writhes and snarls and buries his face in the crook of my neck. But he’s something of a masochist, I know, and he just keeps pressing, probably because he knows he’ll never get his cock up my ass in a situation like this. I can hardly move, all my senses assaulted with his being, his heat and his smell and the agonizing pleasure he’s forcing on me, and every attempt I make to wrench myself away only results in adding more friction to this mess we are. I can hardly even get a grasp on my thoughts because the sensations are so overwhelming, but somewhere deep down something is telling me this is wrong, this isn’t supposed to happen, I’m not supposed to want this. I latch onto that with everything I have, repeating it over and over in my head, this is wrong, this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong until teeth clamp down on my neck and snap my focus in half. 

“You’re fucking mental!” I yell, scoring his chest with deep red lines that start to drip blood, hot and sticky on my fingers. “You’re a rapist!” 

He freezes, totally immobile, and suddenly the only sound is that of the pouring water, like we’re both holding our breaths. 

“Get off of me,” I snap, because his fingers are still locked around my waist and his hips have mine trapped as well. He’s bleeding, dark red liquid mingling and swirling into the water still clinging to his body, and for a split second the bathroom dissolves around me and turns into the school rooftop in a dark, pouring storm and Kyuubi roars loud enough to make my ears ring. But then hips roll into mine once more and I’m back in the brightly-lit, pristine hotel bathroom, kicking and screaming and clawing as Sasuke forces his lips onto mine, and though I want to bite his tongue as hard as I can, my jaw won’t cooperate, my taste buds flooded with this flavour I’ve been craving for weeks. I hear and feel his feral grunts in my mouth, feel his pulse skyrocketing, feel my balls tighten – and then I explode with heat and feel the splatter of way too much come to be able to be attributed to a single person. 

The grip on my waist finally lessens, heavy breathing harsh in my ear, and the waves of climax fade away slowly until there’s a strange lull, exceptionally calm – too calm. Then, without warning, I’m inundated by a tsunami of horror. My eyes snap open, my body takes in the bleeding, heaving figure leaning on me, and I shove him away. He falls back against the counter. 

“I hope you’re happy,” I say, willing my voice to fill with pure hatred. “I hope you’re happy with what you just got, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting. You’re disgusting. Get the fuck out of the bathroom.” 

Still panting, he watches me for another moment, apparently oblivious to the ten, twenty long red scratches all over his arms and torso, many of them trickling blood. But I refuse to break, refuse to be the first to turn away. Finally his gaze falters. He ducks his head and walks out. 

I lock the bathroom door behind him, rinse myself off, turn off the water, and lean back against the shower wall. Then I slide down into a sitting position and bury my face in my shaking hands, wanting to throw up.

(My plan was to end the chapter there, incidentally.) I think the reason it wasn’t included is fairly plain to see. I’ve been influenced in the past year by a good friend of mine who is easily put off by anything that isn’t completely consensual, but dubcon and non-con don’t bother me nearly as much as they do her. That said, I think this particular scene is, while not out of character for some variations of Sasuke I’ve written, almost certainly not something he would do in Two Face. It’s a very powerful scene and I was somewhat reluctant to let go of it, but I talked it over with my betas and we all agreed it was for the best. Instead you get the scene where Naruto and Sasuke have a stare-down and Naruto sees how worn out Sasuke has become since they last saw each other properly:

[Sasuke]’s lost weight, unhealthily quickly it seems, so that his hip bones jut out and his ribs are prominent under his skin. His face is gaunt, the circles under his eyes deep in shadow. He seems paler than usual, too; regardless of the warm, soft lighting of the room his complexion is little short of sickly and the topography of his body seems far too angular. Even his posture seems weary, the tilt of his head and sag of his shoulders suggesting he’d appreciate it if he could lay down for a long while.

Personally I think this scene is much stronger because it doesn’t rely on the brashness and violence of sexual assault to convey its mood and message. In fact, this would be a good time to talk about description and “show, don’t tell.” In my time on FF.net, several readers have come to me asking for help with their own writing. I’m a terrible teacher; I’ll tell you that now. My method is to ask the writer what they feel they’re struggling with, then bombard them with tips. So lesson number one: Show, Don’t Tell.

My friend sent me a document with notes from his writing course about showing and telling, and I know for a fact that sometimes telling is more effective or appropriate. But as a general rule, when writing a long description, “showing” does the trick. Actually, I don’t know that “show” and “tell” are the right words. Perhaps it’s the difference between “seeing” and “understanding.” You can see that a guy’s got a huge bruise on his cheek, and from that you might infer that he was in a fight. How you describe a particular detail goes a long way in conveying information to the observant reader, and the context you give will help shape whether the bruise was indeed from a fight, or if he just fell out of bed.

In the above description of Sasuke’s appearance, it’s plain to see he hasn’t been eating or sleeping right. His health has gone down the drain. I could have written that he looked bony, but instead I gave examples of where the bones were most prominent and what Naruto deems the cause to be.

This isn’t the perfect paragraph to base this lesson off of, by the way. I always tell people to use active verbs where possible instead of passive ones. For example, Naruto observes that Sasuke’s hip bones jut out. Jut is quite a strong verb, carrying a lot of character and connotation. (They could stick out too, and that would work fine, but I chose a more interesting word. But that’s another topic.) In the next clause his ribs are prominent under his skin, which is alright I guess, but doesn’t pack nearly the same punch. The verb “to be” is, to put it plainly, boring. It’s a state of, well, being, as opposed to doing. Hip bones probably shouldn’t be doing anything so extravagant as, I dunno, driving a car, but you can still apply action verbs to them to spice up your description.

Anyway, that was an arguably short blurb about describing things. Go forth, dear readers, and write!

R+F