The Epic Epilogue

...Epically fail, that is.

I exaggerate. I guess it's not THAT bad. I did write it at least a year ago. But I'll keep my complaints to myself and let you guys judge it for yourselves, since I've gotten some comments about my negativity. More notes at the end. For now, enjoy the (first unofficial) epilogue of Two Face.

“Hey, what’s up, Tokyo?!”

The cheers were deafening. All down the stadium the only thing that could be seen was cheering, jumping, waving fans, bright camera flashes and faces wild with excitement.

Naruto couldn’t help but grin. This was what he lived for.

“Alright, alright,” he called, laughing. The microphone and earpiece hooked around his ear picked up his voice, carrying it to the very back of the stadium. If there was one thing he hated, it was hearing his laugh played over again. But it didn’t matter, really. “Let me tell you, it is un-be-lievable, being here tonight. If you asked me five years ago where I would be in five years’ time, I definitely wouldn’t have said, ‘Standing in front of thousands of people, doing what I love best.’ ” 

“Yeah you would,” came a voice from behind him. The audience laughed. Naruto turned to raise an eyebrow at Takeshi, who just grinned back. “You would have added that those thousands adore you, too.” 

“Hey, you can’t do the foxtrot alone,” Naruto said with a shrug. He waved his team forward. Takeshi stepped up beside him; Kristopher and Matthew joined them as well. “We’re Foxtrot, folks, and the fun’s only just begun!” 

They got into their places for the next dance. Even now Naruto hadn’t quite mastered singing and dancing at the same time; he tended to run out of breath and Takeshi always criticized his tuning, but Naruto was pretty sure he was getting better at it. Performances always left something to be desired – everything did; that was the thing about being an artist – but Naruto knew most mistakes he picked up on were things the audience never noticed, and anyway, where was the fun in being perfect all the time? 

It seemed like no time at all before they reached the end of the show. Through happy songs and sad ones, duets and solos, and jokes all around, Naruto had to say it was probably his favourite concerts of the ones they’d done. Granted, that may have had something to do with the fact that it was their first one ever in Japan. Before their final and most popular song, Foxtrot gathered at the front of the stage again for a last word. 

“So, Japan,” said Naruto. “For me and Takeshi, it all started here. Not here in Tokyo, obviously – we’re just small-town kids from Konoha. Anyone ever been?” 

A handful of cheers rang out. Naruto grinned. 

“I’ve missed being home,” said Naruto. “I mean, we haven’t gone back to Konoha yet, but it’s such an experience being in a different country where they speak a different language. And it’s weird being involved in their news and politics and events and hearing about our own here only distantly. The disastrous earthquake two years ago, the abolishing of the death sentence – the legalization of gay marriage!” 

He grinned as cheers went up in the crowd. If there was one thing about Foxtrot fans, it was that they were almost guaranteed not to be homophobic. 

“It’s odd for the two of us,” he went on, “being an English group but being Japanese ourselves, then coming here to perform in English. I have to say my English has gotten loads better since I went to study abroad, but I still can’t quite get the accent,” he said with a sheepish grin. “What do you think? Do I sound British, or Japanese?” 

“Both,” said Kris, “but not as bad as Takeshi.” 

Takeshi chased Kris around the stage. Naruto and Matt laughed. Kris hid behind Naruto, who protected him from Takeshi, who just dove on him anyway. There was a lot of high-pitched screaming and wolf whistles as Naruto and Takeshi wrestled for a while, making a show of it. Their manager had long ago picked up on the benefits of their homosexuality and physical comfort around each other. They constantly played the dating guessing game. Most fangirls insisted they were together, but some said they were just friends with benefits. Hardly anyone doubted they weren’t involved at least a little. 

Takeshi finally disentangled himself from Naruto, though his arm was still hooked through with Naruto’s. Naruto thought this was a little odd, as he was usually the one to pull away first. Their manager figured it’d spice things up if Naruto, the leader of their group, was the uke (Takeshi and Naruto had had to explain this phenomenon to their British friends), and Naruto always acted the more reluctant one. He glanced at Takeshi, who looked back at him meaningfully but said nothing. You couldn’t have a private conversation on stage with microphones next to your mouths. 

Instead, Takeshi turned to the audience. “We’ve got an announcement to make,” he called, grinning. More squeals ensued. Naruto didn’t know what was going on – this wasn’t something they’d rehearsed or even talked about. An announcement? It wasn’t anyone’s birthday, was it? Try as he might, Naruto couldn’t think of anything that could come up. But Takeshi looked like he knew what he was doing, and Matt and Kris seemed to know too, so Naruto did his best to act normal. 

“I know you fans have been watching us for a long time,” Takeshi went on. “All the teasing, the touching, the play fights… I’m sure some of the more perceptive ladies out there have rooted out the fact that we sleep in the same bed. Now if that’s not evidence, what is, right?” 

The screams were louder than ever. 

“Well, it’s not evidence,” said Takeshi. “What if we’re perfectly comfortable with that but aren’t actually together? I know, it sounds implausible, but listen. The announcement is… that Naruto and I aren’t together.” 

The reaction from the audience seemed mixed, as though everyone was split between disappointment that they weren’t a pair and relief that they were still available. 

“But!” Takeshi said, before things could escalate too much. “This doesn’t mean we’re straight, or even single. That’s right – we’ve both got wonderful, loving boys out there who support us silently.” As Takeshi continued to speak, the crowd gradually went quiet. “It’s hard – harder than you can imagine, being far from your loved ones. I bet a lot of you know how that feels. We’ve been so busy with our studies as well as with Foxtrot that we’ve barely had a minute to ourselves, let alone to meet with our boys back home. But they’re always there, sending us emails and letters, or right there by the phone when we’re homesick and lovesick and have to call when it’s four in the morning here. Naruto and I have had our share of tough times, and though we have each other to lean on, there’s nothing quite like the loves of our lives. That’s why, tonight, this last song is dedicated to them. That’s why, tonight, we want to thank them from the bottom of our hearts and welcome them on stage. Ladies and gentlemen, Sasuke and Shiroi!” 

The giant screens behind Foxtrot were showing one grinning face and one dumbfounded one. Naruto, too, was stunned; apparently neither he nor Sasuke had heard about this, but Shiroi was all smiles as he herded an astounded Sasuke up onto the stage. Takeshi nearly bowled Shiroi over with a huge hug, but Naruto and Sasuke just stared at each other, lost for words. For a moment Naruto utterly forgot that he was on a stage flooded with lights, in front of thousands of people, with his face blown up on the screens behind him. For a moment, all the noise of the roaring crowd, all the rehearsing and routine he was so used to, completely left his mind. In that moment there was only Sasuke. 

“Oh, get on with it,” Takeshi snapped, and shoved Naruto forward. 

Naruto stumbled into Sasuke’s arms, and in that instant everything came back to him. He hugged Sasuke harder than he’d ever hugged anyone in his life. He buried his face in Sasuke’s neck, heedless of the sweat and make-up, and breathed in his scent. His heart swelled at the memories – although he was older, taller, and undoubtedly better looking than ever now, Sasuke smelled just the same as always, and it brought tears to Naruto’s eyes. He could feel Sasuke’s arms around him as well, that grip he knew so well, a heart beating fast next to his own thudding one. Sasuke’s lips brushed against Naruto’s unwired ear to whisper, “I missed you, Naru.” 

Naruto couldn’t help it. He split into a giddy grin, pulling away to look at Sasuke’s face. “No way,” he said. “No way! You’ve been here, all this time? And no one told me?” 

He whipped around to look at Takeshi, Shiroi, Kris, Matt. They all had smiles on their faces that said they’d been keeping a huge secret from him. 

And now his world was coming back to him, and Naruto could hear whispers in the crowd, see fingers pointing at Sasuke. He looked from Sasuke, who shrugged, to Takeshi, who was still smiling. 

“Oh, that’s right,” said Takeshi, putting an arm around Sasuke’s shoulders. “Some of you may know this handsome face from the author’s biography on that new bestseller here in Japan. What was it? The Crow and the Dog?” he joked. 

“The Raven and the Fox, you moron!” Naruto exclaimed, shoving Takeshi away. Takeshi just laughed. 

“So, Sasuke,” said Takeshi with a grin. “What’s it like, being famous?” 

Sasuke laughed. He slipped an arm around Naruto’s waist; Naruto couldn’t help melting into him. Sasuke leaned close to Naruto’s microphone. “You tell me.” 

“Us? Famous? Never! These people are obviously here because they’re lost! All of them! But we’re digressing. Have a seat,” he said, gesturing Sasuke and Shiroi to chairs in the middle of the stage, “and enjoy the show!” 

Foxtrot took their places for the final song. Naruto was impressed with how well everyone had kept this whole thing undercover. They’d even designed and constructed a statue and told him they’d be putting it in the middle of the stage for this last song, making it a symbol for “the one” the song’s lyrics spoke about. Now, as they danced around Sasuke and Shiroi, Naruto felt a passion like never before. If he’d thought he’d loved dancing before now, he didn’t know what to call this. Never had he wanted more to put everything he had into a dance, to sing his heart out, to give everything to his one and only. Every time he turned towards Sasuke, all he saw was that brilliant beautiful smile, and nothing pushed him to do his best more than that. 

He could barely hear for the roaring of the crowd when they finished. Once they dropped their final pose, Takeshi hauled Sasuke and Shiroi back onto their feet. Naruto glanced over in time to see Shiroi nudge Sasuke with his elbow. Sasuke looked at Shiroi with uncertainty, but Shiroi nodded emphatically and pushed Sasuke towards Naruto. Takeshi looked on in curiosity – Kris and Matthew seemed not to have expected this either – but Shiroi held his boyfriend back, watching with a smile on his face. 

Sasuke went up to Naruto and looked him in the eyes. They’d grown so much, the both of them, in these four years. Not just physically, but on the inside too – they were smarter, more mature, more skilled. Sasuke had a bestselling title under his belt and Naruto was an international star. They’d been apart for so long, but when they looked into each other’s eyes they knew that the one thing that never, ever changed was their love for each other.

Naruto was surprised by the sheer nervousness in Sasuke’s expression. It had been years, but he was certain they still knew each other better than anything. So why was Sasuke trembling so much?

Sasuke took Naruto’s hand. His was shaking and clammy. No longer able to hold Naruto’s gaze, he turned his eyes to the floor.

He reached into his pocket and got down on one knee.

“Uzumaki… Naruto,” said Sasuke, every tremor in his voice audible in the sudden absolute silence. He pulled a box out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Will you marry me?”

Naruto stared. The ring was a thin silver band of metal, the subtle gem the perfect blue to match his eyes.

Sasuke finally gathered the courage to look up into Naruto’s face. His eyes met beautiful blue ones filled with tears.

“You have to ask?” Naruto whispered. He jerked Sasuke up onto his feet and pulled him into a kiss, and the audience exploded into cheers.

Yeah, I'm not actually that fond of this. You know what they say... own worst critic and all. I actually think I have a little more optimism - perhaps egotism - about my work, but then I know at least three people who get very, very down about their creativity and it's usually up to me to try to support them. So my own complaints seem small in comparison.

This epilogue is... a bit cliché, I guess. And cheesy. Another thing that bothers me is that it's short and to the point - there's so much more I wanted to write about. So I started writing a different, longer version summarizing their university years, but it got pretty lengthy and that just wasn't doing it considering it was supposed to be a summary. So I ditched that one too. It'd work better as a full-out sequel. That said, I know what happens to them after Two Face. Not in minute detail, of course, considering I haven't actually written the thing, but I definitely know it from point to point. Of course their troubles are far from over - what kind of a story would it be otherwise? - but for those who want to know, Itachi does get captured, and as you can see Sasuke and Naruto are both pretty successful. I mean, Foxtrot isn't exactly mainstream, but they have their followers. I never meant for them to be super famous or anything. Just... comfortably well-known, I guess.

I hope you enjoyed that little bit of writing. If I had the motivation, I'd write it again better, but... meh. It's there and I got it out of my system, and I guess that's all I really needed.

R+F

P.S. I bet Sasuke and Naruto adopt two insufferable brats and one lonery kid and Takeshi is the coolest uncle ever.

Fanfic Flamingo

Not an incredibly involved update, but I thought I'd direct your attention to a wonderful tumblr called Fuck Yeah Fanfic Flamingo. If you haven't already heard of it, it's basically a macro meme detailing many of the truths of fanfiction.

This one, uploaded today, hits particularly close to home. I am incredibly thankful for my readers, whether they're just passing by or faithfully watching my little corner of the internet for updates. Once upon a time I did reply to every single review I received, but now I only reply if I can say anything more than "thanks." It's not that I appreciate those reviews any less, nor even that I don't have time to reply. Sometimes people preface their comments with "I bet you won't even read this." I get an email notification for all my reviews, and I certainly do read it! It's not about time... it's about effort. No, it doesn't take that much to just say thank you, but it feels insincere. There are only so many ways I can phrase it, so many smileys I can add before I feel like I'm repeating myself.

So this is an apology, I suppose, and a general thank you to everyone who I don't reply to individually. Just know that I'm always open to having a conversation, be it through comment, review/reply thread, or PM. If you have a bit of fandom that you'd like to discuss, you can certainly send a message my way!

And yes, I know I've been rather inactive on the fanfiction front lately. I've been quite busy with university work and life in general, and I think it's sapping my ability and motivation to write, be it fanfiction or original. I have to accept that it's less important than drawing and visual art, since that's where my career is headed. But I will do my best to keep at it! Writing is a pastime I would not lose for the world.

'Til next time,

R+F

The Cutting Room Floor: TF Ch. 103

I’ll say it straight – a lot of writing didn’t make it into the final cut of Two Face.

Sometimes in some of my stories, every scene I write makes it to the end product. But more often I’ll have written a scene that takes the story to a place I don’t want it to go. Or maybe the scene just isn’t working out and I decide to start from scratch on that part. Or maybe it’s absolutely brilliant but utterly not the mood I’m searching for.

No matter what the reason, the majority of my fanfictions actually take up a few documents in my computer: one for each chapter of the story (for FF.net uploading); one with the entire story for my own convenience (if it’s a one-shot then this is the same as the first); and one or two or three for brainstorming, an outline, and cut scenes. I’m an archive packrat: I hate throwing things out if I can help it. So if a scene, paragraph, or even sentence is one I don’t want to let go of, I throw it into a separate document, in order of the chronology of the story and/or the time of writing (it gets a bit confusing when these contradict each other).

It’s a shame to leave them all lying on the cutting room floor (or in the cutting room document, or whatever analogy you wish to use), so I’ll be sharing a good deal of them here. With each will come author’s notes, because I don’t believe in creation without process. Know that these blog posts will contain spoilers. The chapter number will be in the post’s title, and I’ll try to give a little context at the beginning of the author’s note that doesn’t spoil things, but it’s up to you to decide whether or not to read on. This particular post does contain a spoiler in the first sentence of the author’s note, so proceed with caution. 

- - -

This particular scene comes from the break-up section of Two Face. This particular scene begins in the hotel in which they stay on their school trip overseas to Vancouver…

I tell Takeshi and Shiroi to go ahead down to dinner first, feeling they should be allowed to have at least a little privacy when they can get it. Sasuke’s probably going to confront me the minute they’re gone, but I can handle him, if I can get a grasp on my hormones. I reassure them with a look, then they head downstairs and I get up to shower. To my surprise and relief, Sasuke continues to ignore me. He’s not even looking at me, gazing absently out the window instead. I shrug to myself and strip, then head for the bathroom.

The warm water soothes me, calming my nerves, but not doing much to quell my raging hormones. I watch in mild interest as my cock hardens untouched, because images of Sasuke are flashing through my head and it’s been months since I got any. Well, I guess masturbation will have to suffice for now. For now… for as long as this keeps going. Am I deluding myself? Because I know that deep down I really want to go back to the way we were. Me and Sasuke. Together. But is that likely? Is it even possible? Would it happen if I begged him? Or will he snap first and come crawling to me? Those last two questions are the conflict that keeps me solidly grounded. He’s the one who made the mistake. He’s the one who should pay for it, who should make amends. I’m not going to pretend that I was at fault, that I’m willing to beg and forgive him just to have him back. If there’s one thing I’ve always, always hated about Sasuke, it’s that he’s too damn self-important. This is good for him, I tell myself. He needs to learn how to say sorry. 

A strange sliding sound cuts through the sound of the running water. I open my eyes, not realizing I closed them, and nearly jump out of my skin. 

“What the fuck?” I shout, backing into the wall, my voice echoing unintelligibly around the bathroom in a confusing din. Sasuke, naked and quickly becoming soaked, watches me through deadpan eyes, the shower door wide open behind him. “The fuck are you doing, you asshole? I’m taking a fucking shower! You can’t just—mmph!” 

I punch him as hard as I can in the gut, and he breaks the kiss, gasping and clutching at his stomach. Refusing to be forced into the defensive, I advance and push him against the cold tile wall, sparing no power. I can see the effect of my strength in a pained twitch of his face. I spit as if that’ll get rid of the taste of his lips on mine, even though I know it won’t and, really, I don’t want it to anyway. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking,” I say, “but I’m taking a shower and this is my fucking privacy. I don’t give a shit what your reasons are, saving water or just ‘cause you’re horny or whatever you’re thinking. You can go screw some other guy, the whole fucking world can burn up and go to hell, I don’t care. Get the fuck out and wait your turn.” 

His expression is absolutely calm, but there’s a spark in his eyes that tells me his mind’s on the move. Then he smirks, and white spots explode in my vision as a hand squeezes my hard-on. 

“You’re not very convincing when you’re hard… Naruto.” 

My core shudders unbidden as he whispers my name. I can hear his low murmur, feel his breath on my ear, and I realize I’ve slumped against the wall, my hand against his chest weakening. He massages my aching shaft and I momentarily forget how to breathe. Immobile, gasping, I stare wide-eyed at where his hand is grasping me, where his own swollen erection stands waiting. Fuck. I can’t do anything. It’s only been two months and already his touch reduces me to this. 

“We’ve been apart too long. You’ve been feeling it too, haven’t you? Obviously you have, considering this.” He pulls harshly, forcing a restrained grunt from my throat. Then his tone turns acidic as he hisses, “Or is that because you’ve been dreaming of Takeshi instead?” 

The anger in his voice fills me with a wicked desire for vindication. “What if I have?” I dig my nails into his wrist and he lets go of my member, but then with a surge of strength he pushes me off him and against an adjacent wall, holding my shoulders to keep me still, then grinds roughly against me, growling as his rock-hard erection presses into mine. Once again whiteness invades my sight as the borderline-painful pleasure rockets through my system, pouring unbridled need and terrible guilt into my veins. I whack the back of my head against the wall, but I can hardly feel the pain because a tongue is pressing against my pulse. 

“If Takeshi so much as touches you he’ll wish he was never born,” Sasuke snarls, and a shiver runs down my back at the pure venom in his words – not because it’s Sasuke or how he said it, but because I’m genuinely afraid for Takeshi. I redouble my efforts to escape, pushing him away, and manage to force him out of the shower. But his grip on me is too strong; he pulls me out with him, then slams me against the wall, our bodies still slick with hot water, the towel on the floor the only thing stopping us from slipping. As he grasps my waist in a vice-like grip and resumes grinding against me, I drag my nails down his back, knowing I’m gouging deep cuts into his beautiful pale skin by the way he writhes and snarls and buries his face in the crook of my neck. But he’s something of a masochist, I know, and he just keeps pressing, probably because he knows he’ll never get his cock up my ass in a situation like this. I can hardly move, all my senses assaulted with his being, his heat and his smell and the agonizing pleasure he’s forcing on me, and every attempt I make to wrench myself away only results in adding more friction to this mess we are. I can hardly even get a grasp on my thoughts because the sensations are so overwhelming, but somewhere deep down something is telling me this is wrong, this isn’t supposed to happen, I’m not supposed to want this. I latch onto that with everything I have, repeating it over and over in my head, this is wrong, this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong until teeth clamp down on my neck and snap my focus in half. 

“You’re fucking mental!” I yell, scoring his chest with deep red lines that start to drip blood, hot and sticky on my fingers. “You’re a rapist!” 

He freezes, totally immobile, and suddenly the only sound is that of the pouring water, like we’re both holding our breaths. 

“Get off of me,” I snap, because his fingers are still locked around my waist and his hips have mine trapped as well. He’s bleeding, dark red liquid mingling and swirling into the water still clinging to his body, and for a split second the bathroom dissolves around me and turns into the school rooftop in a dark, pouring storm and Kyuubi roars loud enough to make my ears ring. But then hips roll into mine once more and I’m back in the brightly-lit, pristine hotel bathroom, kicking and screaming and clawing as Sasuke forces his lips onto mine, and though I want to bite his tongue as hard as I can, my jaw won’t cooperate, my taste buds flooded with this flavour I’ve been craving for weeks. I hear and feel his feral grunts in my mouth, feel his pulse skyrocketing, feel my balls tighten – and then I explode with heat and feel the splatter of way too much come to be able to be attributed to a single person. 

The grip on my waist finally lessens, heavy breathing harsh in my ear, and the waves of climax fade away slowly until there’s a strange lull, exceptionally calm – too calm. Then, without warning, I’m inundated by a tsunami of horror. My eyes snap open, my body takes in the bleeding, heaving figure leaning on me, and I shove him away. He falls back against the counter. 

“I hope you’re happy,” I say, willing my voice to fill with pure hatred. “I hope you’re happy with what you just got, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting. You’re disgusting. Get the fuck out of the bathroom.” 

Still panting, he watches me for another moment, apparently oblivious to the ten, twenty long red scratches all over his arms and torso, many of them trickling blood. But I refuse to break, refuse to be the first to turn away. Finally his gaze falters. He ducks his head and walks out. 

I lock the bathroom door behind him, rinse myself off, turn off the water, and lean back against the shower wall. Then I slide down into a sitting position and bury my face in my shaking hands, wanting to throw up.

(My plan was to end the chapter there, incidentally.) I think the reason it wasn’t included is fairly plain to see. I’ve been influenced in the past year by a good friend of mine who is easily put off by anything that isn’t completely consensual, but dubcon and non-con don’t bother me nearly as much as they do her. That said, I think this particular scene is, while not out of character for some variations of Sasuke I’ve written, almost certainly not something he would do in Two Face. It’s a very powerful scene and I was somewhat reluctant to let go of it, but I talked it over with my betas and we all agreed it was for the best. Instead you get the scene where Naruto and Sasuke have a stare-down and Naruto sees how worn out Sasuke has become since they last saw each other properly:

[Sasuke]’s lost weight, unhealthily quickly it seems, so that his hip bones jut out and his ribs are prominent under his skin. His face is gaunt, the circles under his eyes deep in shadow. He seems paler than usual, too; regardless of the warm, soft lighting of the room his complexion is little short of sickly and the topography of his body seems far too angular. Even his posture seems weary, the tilt of his head and sag of his shoulders suggesting he’d appreciate it if he could lay down for a long while.

Personally I think this scene is much stronger because it doesn’t rely on the brashness and violence of sexual assault to convey its mood and message. In fact, this would be a good time to talk about description and “show, don’t tell.” In my time on FF.net, several readers have come to me asking for help with their own writing. I’m a terrible teacher; I’ll tell you that now. My method is to ask the writer what they feel they’re struggling with, then bombard them with tips. So lesson number one: Show, Don’t Tell.

My friend sent me a document with notes from his writing course about showing and telling, and I know for a fact that sometimes telling is more effective or appropriate. But as a general rule, when writing a long description, “showing” does the trick. Actually, I don’t know that “show” and “tell” are the right words. Perhaps it’s the difference between “seeing” and “understanding.” You can see that a guy’s got a huge bruise on his cheek, and from that you might infer that he was in a fight. How you describe a particular detail goes a long way in conveying information to the observant reader, and the context you give will help shape whether the bruise was indeed from a fight, or if he just fell out of bed.

In the above description of Sasuke’s appearance, it’s plain to see he hasn’t been eating or sleeping right. His health has gone down the drain. I could have written that he looked bony, but instead I gave examples of where the bones were most prominent and what Naruto deems the cause to be.

This isn’t the perfect paragraph to base this lesson off of, by the way. I always tell people to use active verbs where possible instead of passive ones. For example, Naruto observes that Sasuke’s hip bones jut out. Jut is quite a strong verb, carrying a lot of character and connotation. (They could stick out too, and that would work fine, but I chose a more interesting word. But that’s another topic.) In the next clause his ribs are prominent under his skin, which is alright I guess, but doesn’t pack nearly the same punch. The verb “to be” is, to put it plainly, boring. It’s a state of, well, being, as opposed to doing. Hip bones probably shouldn’t be doing anything so extravagant as, I dunno, driving a car, but you can still apply action verbs to them to spice up your description.

Anyway, that was an arguably short blurb about describing things. Go forth, dear readers, and write!

R+F

No NaNo

Before we begin: Last time I posted, someone PMed me on FF.net telling me that they weren’t able to comment on my blog. I had a look into it and it seems only subscribers could comment. I mean, ideally I’d leave it that way because it means avoiding spam, but I don’t want to force people to follow my blog just so that they can say what they think. So I’ve opened comments to everyone. I don’t think you even need an account. Let me know if things are otherwise, though. I’m assuming that if you’re reading this, you’ve come from FF.net, but if that doesn’t work for you either you can drop me an email at ravenandfox AT live DOT ca.

Right, so I feel really bad because I posted last week going all “yeah, bitches, I’m gonna do me a NaNo!” and now I’ve changed my mind again. I really should be focusing on course work, and a third story idea has barged into my head, this time my oldest and dearest fantasy world. I’d love to NaNo but I just don’t think I can fit it into my schedule. I might try for JuNo instead, the unofficial summer NaNo that students prefer. We’ll see.

Because I would feel bad leaving you with only this, have a sketch of the fox pendant Sasuke wears in Two Face. (I haven’t drawn the raven one yet.) It's supposed to be a flat metal disc, and the gem would ideally be a little convex, but I'm not so good at expressing materials like that and anyway it's just a quick design sketch.

R+F

NaNoWriMo

Back in winter or spring or sometime like that, I got really excited about NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, an event that happens in November, although it’s rather more international now). But then as the months went by I started to doubt the wisdom of hacking out a story for quantity rather than quality, considering I have something of an allergy to heavy editing and I have university. But I’ve been thinking about it lately and now I’m back into the idea again. Problem is, I still don’t really know what I’m going to write about. I need a story that’s epic enough to carry through 50,000 words. On top of that, it needs to be interesting enough for me not to give up on it, yet not so interesting that I feel really bad for getting it out in the form of shitty writing, because I know things will devolve into terribleness if I’m forcing words out for the sake of quantity. Yes, even a rambly writer like me. (It’s become a character trait for my main roleplay character to just sit around and inner-monologue for paragraphs, to the point where we call it Levi!ranting.)

Among the various original fiction ideas I have floating around, a couple strike my fancy to NaNo about, but each has its problems.

The first one is about a demon and an angel who probably have to save the world and romance is involved somewhere along the way. The demon is specifically an incubus, pureblood, with an extensive family tree, honour to uphold, and a decent position in the demon hierarchy. He’s got a bit of a reputation as well, though I’m still ironing that one out and it could be a bit of a plot point so I’ll leave it for now. The angel is actually half-angel and half-human, and his family history’s been more or less wiped since he got turned into a vampire some centuries prior to the story and fell out of touch with pretty much his entire life. He makes a pretty good life for himself, but occasionally his sire comes back to haunt him. This story actually originated from an intended one-shot PWP with a vampire and an incubus meeting and mutually feeding, but I’ve really pulled it away from its urban-fantasy-slice-of-life origins to make it something more substantial. I think this one would be really good for a NaNo, but I’m a bit too attached to it to sabotage it like that.

The second one is about a couple of high school guys in a homophobic society. So that’s a lot more standard. One was outed as a kid (I’m hazy on the details) and is now shunned and bullied, but he’s strong-willed and sticks up for himself and can hold up pretty well in a fight. The other figured himself out a bit later, at which point he was old enough to understand how much trouble telling would get him into, so he’s kept quiet. He’s become quite a popular guy, and knows exactly how to act to avoid suspicion. He kind of hates himself for it, and he really admires the first guy for not being afraid to be who he is. First guy finds out about second guy, and the story revolves around their relationships and experiences and probably eventually beating the homophobes because homophobia sucks. I’d be more willing to use this for NaNo because I’m not as attached to the idea as I am to the first one, but then I don’t know how well a slice-of-life story would hold up for something as lengthy as NaNo. It’s weird saying that after Two Face, but the fact is that slice-of-lifes haven’t really held up for me since TF. That said, nothing’s really held up for me, before or after TF, and maybe that’s just something I need to work on.

Thing is, I get the feeling that I probably won’t reach the 50,000-word mark. Obviously not everyone who embarks on NaNo succeeds, and I don’t think I’m made of the right stuff for it. But I think it’d be a good challenge for my writing and I’d learn lots of things and have fun doing it. At least I hope I will. And I was thinking I could post each day’s progress on this blog, as a slightly stronger incentive to myself to get it done. If I feel like I’m writing for someone, I’ll probably hold out for longer. And if I know at least one person is following along, if people offer feedback and criticism, then even better! I know this is only my second blog post and all that, but comments would be super duper appreciated. Are any of you doing NaNo this year? Have you done it before? If so, I want to hear about your experiences! Tell me what went right, what went wrong. Tell me things so that my NaNo might not fail as hard as I’m sure it will! And tell me, which idea do you think would work better, the fantasy one or the high school one?

The next time I post might be my first NaNo day or just before. I might chicken out at the last minute, or forget entirely. I may just hold out until the summer, when I don’t have a million things to do, and make it a JuNo (the unofficial NaNo that most students prefer). I think I’ll try to block out my ideas for the next couple of weeks and see how feasible NaNo seems once that’s been done.

Comment on this post, send me a message, PM me on FF.net. Let’s have a chat!

R+F

The First Rant

Here marks the first of what is likely to be a lot of very long rants about who even knows what. This one is not even very interesting, but I’m terribly generic and feel the need to at least write some sort of intro post.

A couple of housekeeping things before we begin. Firstly, I made a mistake registering my blog’s URL and waited all summer for it to clear up so I could use it again… only to find that it wouldn’t let me anyway. So that was a massive waste of time and now I’m using [ rambleravenfanficfox.blogspot.com ]. Secondly, I fiddled with the template and colours of the design, but as nothing's really up yet (until this gets posted anyway) I don’t actually know what it’ll look like. It’ll almost certainly be seeing some changes as I get acquainted with all the bits and bobs.

So. Hi! Nice to meet you. I’m “The Raven and the Fox” (somewhat misleadingly just one person), or R+F for short. I’m a nineteen-year-old female Canadian studying animation in the UK, but here I’m a SasuNaruSasu fan writer and artist. You can find me on Fanfiction.net under the same name. In fact you probably came upon this blog from there. So hi again, dear readers! I ought to tell you how much I love you. I want to link my R+F internet identity to my regular one, but there is a large possibility that that identity will become known to potential employers in the future and I feel that letting them know I write porn – not just porn with reason, but porn for the sake of porn and fanfiction at that – is maybe not the best idea. I’m already leaving evidence scattered everywhere and I really shouldn’t, but I can’t help it! So unfortunately I have to ask that, should you ever find out that R+F and the other identity are in fact the same, you please keep it to yourself… I mean, you can always send me a private message here or via FF.net, and we can talk. That’d be awesome. In fact, go ahead and do that anyway. I love meeting new people!

If you didn’t come here via my FF.net profile… well, I guess you now know I write porn. Well then. A bit about my writing: I mainly work within SasuNaruSasu (Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke from the manga/anime Naruto by Masashi Kishimoto), although I want to expand a bit if I can. R+F actually started out as a name under which I could upload my explicit works only, but then I more or less abandoned my other account because by then I’d a] gotten better at writing and b] generated a bit of a fanbase as R+F. But not everything I write is explicit. Most of my works on FF.net are PWPs (“Porn Without Plot,” although admittedly now they are almost always “Plot With Porn” and are in fact just one-shots with sex scenes), but the work that has put me into what my friend calls Middle Name Fan status (as opposed to Big Name Fan, or BNF) is Two Face.

Two Face is 336,000 words / 111 chapters / 600 pages / two years / two thousand reviews / a LOT of filler, fluff, angst, sex, clichés, improvement, frustration, happiness, encouragement, support, betas… the list goes on. It is, in a nutshell, a high school AU fic wherein Naruto and Sasuke find themselves. Personally I don’t know why so many people love it; the longer I look at it the more I see where all the flaws are. But then sometimes I go back and reread bits and I guess I can kind of understand it. It has a way of deceiving you into believing it’s better than it is (ahaha…). And (this is a biased opinion from the writer herself, so don’t take my word for it) I think it touches on some very universal themes. It has the kinds of elements that most fanfiction readers frown upon – several OCs, squealing fangirls, ridiculous amounts of angst, OOC canon characters – and, well, it’s a high school AU, which seems to be one of those things you either love or hate (not that in-betweens can’t exist as well). Yet time after time I get reviews telling me how they liked the story despite or even because of these. Those kinds of reviews always make me feel special, so thanks to those readers who put aside their prejudices to give Two Face a shot.

Am I rambling for the sake of filling words now? Yes I am. Bad self. Here’s some of the things you can expect to see on this blog in the future:

• Analysis of characters, settings, and so on: there’s so much to say about these characters that aren’t even mine. Sasuke, who chose his past over his present. Naruto, who values his friends over his own life. Sakura, who gave up her past crush to protect her current best friend. Sai, who never knew love and yet was shown what bonds truly are. Of course this is just the tip of the iceberg. As I discover more fanfictions, doujinshi, and fanart, I find new ways to interpret these characters. (As a SasuNaru shipper first and foremost, it is usually those two I explore the most.) With Sasuke’s first goal accomplished and his second goal on its way (god I don’t even remember what he’s up to now; it’s been so long since he’s shown up in the manga), will Naruto still be able to convince him to return? Naruto is growing in confidence and skill; will he now have the conviction he needs to bring Sasuke home? What if the Sasuke he knew is gone? What if Sasuke decides to return and finds everything has changed? There are many, many things to consider, and this is where I’ll be doing it.
• On writing: being a writer is hard. I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately, and as a highly introspective thinker kind of person I’m always looking into myself to try to figure out what’s not clicking. I’ll also try to give tips and hints for fellow writers. I’m no professional, and I tend to be bad at explaining things, but I can always try to analyze my way around a problem. If anyone would like some advice and doesn’t mind it being disjointed and possibly not quite relevant, they can certainly drop me a message with a question or request, and I’ll address the point here.
• On drawing: though I stick mainly to writing as R+F, I do toss in the occasional piece of fanart. Naturally there will be less writing about drawing than writing about writing, but I might touch on it now and then. Most of my art goes to my main internet identity, but fanfic-related pieces will typically find their way here instead.
• On my works: artist/author comments are always a joy for me to read. As I said I’m very introspective, and thus I like to see how other people’s thought processes work. For those of you out there who are like that, I can certainly provide some insight into my own works and characters (and interpretations of canon characters). You can always ask me a question to answer, and I’ll probably find some of my own thoughts to ramble about. I want to say I’ll try not to talk about myself too much, but the simple fact is that I love self-analysis and have something of an ego. And anyway, this is my blog; what are you expecting? Heh. I’ll try to make it relevant to everyone though.
• Sharing: I love sharing! I’ll fill this place with fic recommendations (not so many since I don’t read that much fic), doujinshi (hopefully with links for online reading – Blogger doesn’t allow download links), fanart), music, videos, website links, and more. They won’t always be directly related to fandoms, but I’ll try to keep it at least inspired, for example if I find a good musician from an AMV, or a song reminds me of a character.
• Other fandoms: the only reason I’m as into SasuNaru as I am is because of the amount of fanfiction I’ve read and written, as well as doujinshi and fanart. It takes time and dedication to fall in love with a fandom, even accidentally. There are quite a few fandoms I’d love to fall in love with, as it were, so I’ll be exploring things like that here too. Right now I find it easiest to collect fanart on the subject, and as I delve deeper into the characters’ psychologies, I can become more attuned to them. No. 6, Star Driver, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and Durarara!! are some of my interests at the moment.

And, of course, anything else anyone can think of. The great thing about the internet is that we can all communicate, so I’m open to suggestions! What do you want to hear me ramble endlessly about? (Nothing, probably. Ha…)

You can always contact me through comments or messages here, or by way of a review or PM on my Fanfiction.net profile. Though I check my email about fifty times a day (and I wouldn’t be surprised if that wasn’t much of an exaggeration), I admit to sheer laziness and may not reply for a while. Typically, though, I will reply almost right away.

Hope to hear from you soon,

The Raven and the Fox